I often hear clients and prospective clients explain that they want a wedding officiant who is spiritual but not religious. They usually understand that because I'm a notary public I'm not a religious person, but they still want to know that their wedding ceremony will have some meaning and spirituality to it. This is how I explain my position on the topic.
I consider myself to be spiritual but not religious. I identify with spirituality in my own way. I feel it in tender moments with my husband, my cats and family; I feel it in the connectedness of all things; in the beauty of the natural world (especially the one I live in here in Maine); in the kindness, thoughtfulness, energy and enthusiasm I see in other people. And most importantly I feel it in love. In fact, you could even say my religion is love. I see love as this great big connecting force; a power that unites us all. That's pretty deep, right? But seriously, love is what it's all about.
So, I consider a marriage ceremony to be a sacred tradition: where two souls in love come together to commit to one another in front of the most important people in their lives. It's a significant moment that should be treated with consciousness, respect and honesty. I often tell my clients that it's my job to hold all the responsibility of the ceremony, all the details and plans, so that they can let go and simply be in the moment; to look into each other's eyes and mark this moment in time, for it will never come again. A couple can only do that by trusting me, and so I work very hard to earn and keep that trust. My gift to them is to be in charge so they don't have to be; to be in control so they can relax; to be a grounding force so they can feel calm and just enjoy the beauty of the moment.
Of course, a wedding ceremony is also meant to be a celebration so it should be fun and light and full of love! This, too, is my form of spirituality: laughter, giggles, big smiles and the joy of looking out at your guests, seeing their smiling faces and feeling their love. It gives me goosebumps to even write this. (By the way, you'll only see their smiling faces if you have an unplugged ceremony!)
So, yeah, I'm spiritual, but I'm not religious. I don't talk about God during the ceremony. I don't talk about your union as being "in the eyes" of anyone but yourselves. If you want someone who is more religious than spiritual, I'm not your gal. We have some amazing clergy here in Maine and I'm always happy to make referrals, if that's what you're looking for.
The bottom line is you want to feel a connection with the person performing your ceremony. You want to make sure they get you. And also someone who can hold the gravity of the moment with a joyous heart; who you can rely on completely which will allow you to let go and be totally present. Cuz, baby, this is a magical moment and you don't want to miss a second of it!