As a professional wedding officiant, I work with many couples who come from a religious background but are no longer active members of a religious institution. They want to honor their families’ religious traditions, but they want a secular, or non-religious, ceremony. Nearly every couple I talk to are getting married outside of a church or chapel. In some cases, they are not religious at all, but they want to acknowledge and respect their parents or grandparents, who are still members of a church. I even had one bride tell me that in exchange for not getting married in a church, she need to add a religious element into her wedding to appease her mother.
As a notary public, I conduct only secular ceremonies. I do not mention God or talk about any specific religious tradition. I feel it would be disingenuous of me to talk about God in a ceremony, since I am not an ordained clergy member. I deeply respect my officiant colleagues who have studied religion and who have devoted their lives to their faith, so, I’m very careful not to present myself as a minister or priest.
Even though I’m a spiritual but not religious officiant, I have ideas of how to incorporate religious traditions into your secular ceremony.
Ideas for Incorporating Religion into your Secular Wedding
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Have a family member or parent share a reading from your religious text. Pick a meaningful passage, or let them pick the passage, and invite them to read it during your ceremony.
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Have your guests sing a hymn or chant during the ceremony. Provide the music and lyrics in your wedding program so they can all sign along.
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If your officiant welcomes it, ask your family’s religious figure (minister, priest, rabbi, imam, etc.) to read an opening prayer or a closing prayer.
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Ask a family member to conduct a faith-based ritual during the ceremony. For example, in the ceremony of a Filipino couple, I once saw the family members conduct the coin ceremony, the veil ceremony and the cord ceremony.
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Carry a bible or religious text with special meaning to you rather than a bouquet or in addition to your bouquet.
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Incorporate a passage from your faith’s text into your vows.
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Allow for a moment of silence during the ceremony and welcome your guests to use the time to pray, if that feels comfortable.
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Use a non-religious “prayer.” I have one that is introduced by saying “Let us bow our heads and reflect on the power of love that has brought us together today.”
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Update a tradition by incorporating the symbolism without the overt religious meaning. For example, in my wedding, we wanted to incorporate the Jewish wine ceremony, but we used language that made it a secular ritual.
In any of these cases, you have to make sure your secular officiant is comfortable incorporating these elements. This is a great question to ask your officiant in the initial meeting. And, if they aren’t comfortable, rest assured that there are many wonderful religious and faith-based Maine wedding officiants and you’re sure to find one you connect with.
