I’m delighted to introduce you all to my fellow wedding officiant and friendor, Erika Hewitt, who is a Unitarian Universalist minister here in Maine. Erika and I share a similar passion for wedding officiating and often refer couples to one another when we’re booked. In this post, Erika talks about a phenomenon which is sometimes called “ghosting.” Read on to learn more.
Just Say No
As a wedding officiant, I’m in the relationship business in more ways than the most obvious one. I don’t just lead the celebration of your relationship; I also want to create a relationship of trust and collaboration with you, as a couple — even if we never have more than an introductory conversation.
When I meet with a couple so they can learn about me, two things happen: I feel a thrill of “I like you! I hope you choose me” and I pencil in their date on my calendar so that other couples can’t hire me out from under them.
Fortunately, many couples get back to me with the happy news that they’re hiring me. Sometimes, though, couples disappear for months, leaving their phantom wedding date on my calendar, and me wondering whether they’ve found another officiant… or whether they forgot to hire me (believe it or not, this actually happens!).
“We have big hearts and thick skin.”
I speak on behalf of all wedding officiants when I say that we hope you hire us — but we hope even more that you’ll find an officiant you feel excited about. We have big hearts and thick skin; it’s okay to email us and let us know we’re off the hook because you clicked with someone else. We won’t feel insulted if you write a short note saying, “Thanks for your time, but we’re going in another direction.” In fact, it saves us the awkward step of reaching out to you to ask, “I’ve been saving your wedding date for three months. Should I keep holding it?”
From the officiant to the florist, from the lighting pros to the band, all of us in the wedding world will go out of our way to make you feel valued, respected, and understood as you plan your perfect day. Paradoxically, one way you can reflect that back to us is to just say no — instead of disappearing — when you decide that we’re not the one for you.
Rev. Erika Hewitt