i've been wanting to do a post about this for a while but just wasn't sure how to present it. i'm still not sure i really know what to say, but it's time for me to say something. i've been noticing that a lot of the wedding blogs are starting to post maternity shoots and pinning baby items on pinterest. while this isn't a bad thing, i'm really hoping that those blogs understand something: a lot of women struggle with infertility and those posts can be really, really painful to view.
i cannot conceive a child. i have what they call "unexplained infertility" which really means they have no idea why i can't conceive, i just can't. my husband and i wanted a family so badly. the moment we were married we started trying to conceive. i can't remember wanting anything else as a kid except to grow up and be a mom. it's been over six years now, so we've accepted the fact that we won't conceive a child. (we discussed fertility treatments and adoption, neither of which feel right for us)
i'm not putting this out there for sympathy. i'm sharing this personal information so that people understand: not all couples follow the "get married and have a baby" straight line. i guess it just bothers me when there's an expectation that the next phase after the wedding is having a baby. our culture doesn't really talk about infertility. i know it's a bit of a downer topic but there are millions of people suffering from it. please don't ignore us or pretend we don't exist.
here are a few things NOT to say to a newly married woman:
- so, when are you going to start your family?
- you're not getting any younger, you should have a baby soon.
- are you pregnant?
- why are you waiting to have kids?
- it's better to have kids when you're young.
- can you plan my baby shower?
- want to see my 15 ultrasound photos?
- you would look so cute pregnant.
and one last thing: i have a family. it consists of my husband, my two kitties, and me!