after the wedding: infertility

i've been wanting to do a post about this for a while but just wasn't sure how to present it. i'm still not sure i really know what to say, but it's time for me to say something. i've been noticing that a lot of the wedding blogs are starting to post maternity shoots and pinning baby items on pinterest. while this isn't a bad thing, i'm really hoping that those blogs understand something: a lot of women struggle with infertility and those posts can be really, really painful to view.

i cannot conceive a child. i have what they call "unexplained infertility" which really means they have no idea why i can't conceive, i just can't. my husband and i wanted a family so badly. the moment we were married we started trying to conceive. i can't remember wanting anything else as a kid except to grow up and be a mom. it's been over six years now, so we've accepted the fact that we won't conceive a child. (we discussed fertility treatments and adoption, neither of which feel right for us)

i'm not putting this out there for sympathy. i'm sharing this personal information so that people understand: not all couples follow the "get married and have a baby" straight line. i guess it just bothers me when there's an expectation that the next phase after the wedding is having a baby. our culture doesn't really talk about infertility. i know it's a bit of a downer topic but there are millions of people suffering from it. please don't ignore us or pretend we don't exist.

here are a few things NOT to say to a newly married woman:

  1. so, when are you going to start your family?
  2. you're not getting any younger, you should have a baby soon.
  3. are you pregnant?
  4. why are you waiting to have kids?
  5. it's better to have kids when you're young.
  6. can you plan my baby shower?
  7. want to see my 15 ultrasound photos?
  8. you would look so cute pregnant.

and one last thing: i have a family. it consists of my husband, my two kitties, and me!